From Darkness to Dialogue: Building Resilience and community with Talk Mental Health ID
Curled up on my bed, I’m a turtle hiding in its shell. My head feels like a drumbeat, a crazy rhythm that won’t stop. There are voices—nasty and loud—colliding inside my head.
“Shut up! Shut up! Please, just stop!” I whisper, my voice as small as a mouse.
Dad’s shouts at Mom, Mom’s screams back, Grandma’s constant comparison to my cousin Lita… They played like a broken record in my mind.
Then there are images… popping up without warning. That game of cards with my cousin. His body too close, his hands, big and rough, finding their way to where they shouldn’t. His fake smile as he said, “It’s okay”.
I want the voices to be quiet. I want the pictures to go away.
Bang!
I hit my head against the wall. It feels oddly satisfying, like a puzzle piece fitting in.
Bang!
Harder this time and feel good like something was released.
The voices slow down a little.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I didn’t stop until my head spins like a top.
Mom enters with a worried face. For once, I feel seen.
“Are you okay??”
I just cry, “I don’t know. I’m scared” My mom watches with wide eyes as my body shakes in an uncontrollable dance.
I was 8 years old.
The next week, Mom takes me to this strange older man. He claims I possess evil spirits. The man chants and trembles. I close my eyes, praying this strange show ends soon.
It didn’t help; I still felt the same every night. Besides, I grew ashamed because my neighbourhood found out and thought I was truly possessed.
Outside of my home, the world was a playground. I was a queen, a pirate, a fearless explorer. With my friends, I built forts, caught fish, laughed till our sides hurt, and dared the world.
Inside the house, I was always walking on eggshells, pretending to be okay. I chased perfect grades and good behavior, hoping it would earn me love and peace. But no matter how hard I tried, I felt empty inside.
I sought solace in the pages of books and the colours of art. There I found worlds where I was understood, valued, and seen.
School was a battleground. I fought, I bullied; I was a storm. I craved the attention I didn’t get at home. My only and best friend was always dragging me into wild schemes. The peak was helping her steal a debit card. The rush of excitement, fear, and thrill coursed through me, but it was short lived…we got caught.
“You disappointed me” my mom said after the meeting with the principal. All my walking on eggshells and good grades had become valueless. I felt numb and disconnected more than ever. Alone in my room, I began to have thoughts of suicide.
However, I wasn’t going to let the darkness win. I still had good grades and that was my ticket out. University was a lifeline, and psychology my compass. Surrounding myself with friends, joining clubs, volunteering, doing part-time jobs and finding a mentor was like rebuilding the broken parts of me. Therapy unlocked the door to healing. With each session, I felt a bit stronger.
Silent struggle: The Mental Health battle of Indonesian Youth
Young people in Indonesia deal with a complicated web of challenges involving high self-expectation, family pressures, and society expectations; these are especially difficult for those quietly struggling with mental health problems. The stigma around mental health in Indonesia keeps open discussion out of reach, which makes seeking treatment challenging. Mental health issues sometimes misinterpreted as moral or spiritual failings intensify their concerns even more. As a result, these youths struggle with daily activities, leading to academic failure, unemployment, and social isolation.
10-20% of young people worldwide suffer with mental illness; most often found are anxiety and depression. Systemic hurdles and cultural stigmatization aggravate the issue in Indonesia. One in three Indonesian teenagers reported having a mental health problem in the past year, according to the 2022 National Adolescent Mental Health Survey; many of them delayed getting care because of stigma.
Andi’s battles the emotional weight of hiding their LGBTQ+ status, leading to isolation and academic decline. Aisha, a 23-year-old from rural south Yogyakarta faces chronic stress symptoms due to sacrificing her goals to financially help her family. She simply cannot afford treatment. These are two stories among thousands in Yogyakarta.
Because of the development phase of their prefrontal cortex, young people are especially prone to societal and peer pressure. The COVID-19 epidemic, economic downturns, and constant social media bombardment have heightened mental health challenges. Further complicating the matter are cultural stigma and governmental obstacles include discrimination against the marginalised people like the LGBTQ+ and the disabled.
With the government including mental health into primary care and NGOs like Ubah Stigma and Yayasan Pulih trying to increase awareness and offer therapy, efforts to address mental health issues in Indonesia have found some success. But long-term, stigma free interventions are still needed.
Building Belonging through Talk Mental Health
I am determined to create a space where young people, especially those who are often overlooked, can find healing, support, and a sense of belonging. This is what I mean with “Talk Mental Health Indonesia”